.png)
The Divorced Dadvocate: Divorce Support For Dads
Dads face unique issues during and after divorce. We identify and address the issues relevant to divorced/divorcing dads and create an action plan to survive and thrive!
*Become a community member and access full episodes and additional MEMBERS ONLY content: https://thedivorceddadvocate.com/membership-tiers/*
DISCLAIMER: The purpose of this podcast is to inform not influence. It is not a substitute for professional care or advice by a qualified professional. The host as well as guests who speak on this podcast express their own opinions, experience and conclusions, and The Divorced Dadvocate Podcast & Website neither endorses or opposes any particular views discussed here.
The Divorced Dadvocate: Divorce Support For Dads
241 - How Divorced Dads Can Combat Negative Stereotypes
Divorced dads often face an uphill battle—not just in the courtroom, but in the court of public opinion. The narrative surrounding fathers post-divorce is frequently negative, portraying them as absent, irresponsible, or unfit parents. Society, fueled by media, Hollywood, advertising, sitcoms, and corporate policies, often reinforces the notion that fathers are secondary caregivers or mere visitors in their children’s lives. However, most divorced dads are deeply involved, loving, and responsible. It’s time to challenge these outdated portrayals and show the world the truth about fatherhood after divorce. Here’s how divorced dads can actively combat these negative stereotypes and redefine their role.
Join our Signal Channel: https://shorturl.at/8yqTb
Join The Divorce Dadvocate Membership Community - FULL Episodes - Live Meetings – FREE Workshops & Courses – Private Discussion Groups & MORE! - https://thedivorceddadvocate.com/membership-tiers/
How Are You Adjusting To Your Divorce? Find out in this quiz - http://www.thedivorceddadvocate.com/divorce-quiz.html
*FREE Dads Guide To Divorce* How to survive and thrive during and after divorce: http://www.dadsguidetodivorce.com
Don't suffer in silence! Get relief from the pain and confusion of your divorce and schedule your FREE, No Obligation Coaching Consultation - schedule a time directly into my schedule at www.TalkWithJude.com.
Join other divorced dads who have experienced or are experiencing divorce in this FREE Divorced Dads Online Meetup Group - https://www.meetup.com/Divorced-Dads-Meetup-Group/
Other Resources:
The Divorced Dadvocate Website - http://www.TheDivorcedDadvocate.com
The Divorced Dadvocate YouTube Channel - https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=GeSwx-F8KK4&list=PLT4HyN5ishYJznK51205ESxGZ2d19YkBp
The Divorced Dadvocate Podcast - https://thedivorceddadvocate.buzzsprout.com/
Divorced Dads Online Meetup Group - https://www.meetup.com/Divorced-Dads-Meetup-Group/
The Divorced Dadvocate Facebook Group - https://www.facebook.com/thedivorceddadvocate/
Music credit: Akira the Don
Hello and welcome. Thanks for tuning in. This week we are going to chat about fighting the narrative of how divorced dads are negatively stereotypes in society in general. It's just been something that's been frustrating me and on my mind lately and with some conversations. I wanted to just talk about that and how we combat that. I know you've already got a lot going on, but I do want to talk about any opportunities you might have in fighting that while you're working through your divorce and post-divorce. But before we jump into it, let's welcome our new members to the Divorced Advocate community. They are Sebastian Vaughn, morgan, frank and Hans. Welcome to the community.
Speaker 1:If you're not part of it yet, check it out at thedivorcedadvocatecom. There are all kinds of resources, from paid to free. Wherever you're at and whatever you might need, you can find something there, so check it out. The divorce quiz is one that is a great one. That will allow you to check that. That will allow you to gauge where you're at in your divorce mentally and emotionally, compared to others who have gone through divorce. So check it out at the divorcedadvocatecom under the divorce quiz tab.
Speaker 1:All right, fighting the narrative, how us divorced dads can combat negative stereotypes and, excuse me, you know, we already face an uphill battle, not just in the courtroom but also in the court of public opinion. The narrative surrounding fathers post-divorce is frequently negative, portraying us as absent, irresponsible or unfit parents. Society, fueled by media, hollywood advertising sitcoms and corporate policy, often reinforces the notion that fathers are secondary caregivers or mere visitors in their children's lives. However, many divorced dads and I would say the majority or most are deeply involved, loving and responsible. So my goal here it's time to challenge and we've been doing this in the group a bit. We've got a member that is championing this If you get involved in one of our group calls or become a member, but he's championing this and it's time to challenge these outdated portrayals and show the world the truth about fatherhood after divorce. So I'm going to lay out six ways divorced dads can actively combat these negative stereotypes and redefine their role.
Speaker 1:The first is the media's portrayal of divorced dads. The media's portrayal of divorced dads. News outlets frequently highlight cases of dads who fail to pay child support or who are accused of neglecting their children, while rarely showcasing the struggles of dads fighting for fair custody or being denied visitation despite wanting to be present in their children's lives. When divorced dads are featured, they're often portrayed as bitter, irresponsible or trying to evade responsibility. So a specific example of this is there's headlines often using language like quote-unquote deadbeat dad, while rarely mentioning the struggles of fathers who are alienated from their children, despite following court orders and making payments.
Speaker 1:So how can we combat this? The first and foremost is to share your story. Share your story, get involved in our community so that we can share that story not only with each other to get support, but with others as well, on social media and through all of our respective communities. You can share your story through blogs, through social media, through local publication, all to show the reality of involved divorced dads. So many people don't know all the details of what goes on.
Speaker 1:Join an advocacy group that works to challenge bias in media portrayals of divorced fathers. There are a myriad of them across the country. There might be one local to you. Again, the guy in our group is tuned into many of those different ones too and can get you in contact with one. Also, if you have the ability to and you might be circulating in this world engage with journalists to ensure more balanced reporting that includes the struggles of fathers seeking fairness in custody battles. However, I'll just put a caveat to that Be very, very careful who you talk to and how you talk to them. With the media, they distort a ton of stuff. I just got asked to do a couple of segments. It was pre-election and I looked up the respective individuals that were the quote unquote journalists of these articles and I did not feel comfortable engaging with them. It's very easy for them to distort stuff. So if you're not be careful with this, if you're not well versed in dealing with the media and knowing how to handle that, so the impact on this is huge is that there will be a fair eventually hopefully a fair media portrayal that will help shift public opinion and perception and make it easier for divorced dads to gain equal footing in custody discussions.
Speaker 1:Okay, the next one is Hollywood's portrayal of divorced dads. Hollywood loves a deadbeat or absentee divorced father, whether it's movies like Mrs Doubtfire if you remember that one, robin Williams, who actually had to dress up as a woman because he was being alienated from his children I mean, it was just ridiculous. So you know where dads like that have to go to extreme lengths just to see his kids. Or films where divorced fathers are reduced to comedic or tragic side characters. The message is clear Divorced dads are either incompetent or important. Another specific example of this is the old movie Kramer vs Kramer, where the father has to go through extreme hardships just to prove he is capable of raising his son. This reinforces the narrative that dads have to quote unquote earn their parenting rights more than mothers. It's just absolutely ridiculous. So how do we combat it? Support films and TV shows that depict divorced fathers as responsible, loving and engaged. Don't support the other ones and then also speak out on social media about unfair depictions and call for more accurate portrayals.
Speaker 1:If you're supporting the media and the films and the TV shows that are bad-mouthing, that are putting divorced dads and dads in a negative light, and you're not calling them out and pointing it out to other people, then we're doing a disservice to all fathers. The last thing you can do is create your own content by sharing your fatherhood journey through blogs, youtube or podcasts. So, guys, I'm an example of the result of a high conflict divorce, and what I finally did was start this community in order to provide support that you deserve and that you need, that I didn't have and that I deserved going through my divorce, and now it's helping millions and millions of men across the world. So if you think that, man, I can't do it, I assure you that you can do it. I just thought this was going to be a small thing when I started. It was going to be maybe local. I was going to have a support group and maybe help some guys, and this has just absolutely gone worldwide Millions of listeners, all kinds of guys getting the support that they deserve and need. So if you think you won't or can't have an impact, I promise you you can.
Speaker 1:Number three commercials and advertising's portrayal of divorced dads. Commercials often depict dads in general as clueless, but divorced dads get an even worse deal. Advertisers frequently cater to single moms, implying that divorced dads are absent or disengaged. Custody and co-parenting are rarely acknowledged in family-oriented advertising. A specific example of this is diaper and baby product commercials often exclusively show mothers handling parental duties, subtly reinforcing the idea that fathers, especially divorced ones, are not involved. So how do we combat it? Contact brands and ask for more inclusive advertising that reflects co-parenting dynamics. I know this is a tough one, but if you've got some time, do it and let them know and make your voice be known to them. Support companies that acknowledge divorced dads as active parents. One such company is Dove Men Plus Care.
Speaker 1:Another thing that you can do is create visibility by sharing images and videos of your own parenting journey on social media. You hear me talk about social media a lot. Some of you are on social media quite a bit, and probably more than I am Instagram, tiktok, all those stuff. But if you can share some of that stuff and I know that might be weird or that might be hard to do, but if you can it helps to reinforce active dads being involved in what your parenting journey looks like as a divorced or divorcing dad. So the impact that it has when advertising reflects real co-parenting dynamics, it helps change societal expectations and normalizes the idea of fully involved divorced fathers.
Speaker 1:We need to. We need to ourselves be the ones shouting from the mountaintops about single dads. Right, we've got all the single mom superpower, this single mom, that, everything else, which is great. Okay, that's good, that's great for single moms, but we have nobody advocating for us. We need to be our own self-advocates and that's really my general point across this is pointing out that you are a single dad, sharing that far and wide on social media with others, instead of hiding it or being embarrassed by it, et cetera. I know there might be some shame around it, but the more that we start talking about it, the more that we start sharing about it and being very open about it and how amazing we are at it, then that's going to make the cultural shift that we need to see.
Speaker 1:Okay, number four sitcoms and TV shows portrayal of divorced dad. This kind of falls in line with Hollywood's portrayal in number two, but sitcoms tend to rely on the quote unquote fun weekend dad trope, where divorced fathers are either uninvolved or only show up for exciting outings while the mother does all the real parenting. Show up for exciting outings while the mother does all the real parenting. This one-dimensional portrayal dismisses the struggles of dads who fight for equal custody or work tirelessly to stay involved in their kids' lives, which is every single one of you, I know, that is listening. Some examples of this are like the show Two and a Half Men that used to be on. Often depict divorced dads as immature, unreliable or secondary to their ex-wives' new partners in their children's lives. So how do we combat it? Encourage networks to create more balanced portrayals of divorced dads. Also, like I said before, only supports those shows that do portray things in an accurate light and don't support the ones that don't. This one is big.
Speaker 1:Have open discussions with your children about how TV shows exaggerate and stereotype fatherhood. I've done this with my daughters, especially when I see something that is blatant and egregious. The Incredibles 2 was one of the movies that was one of the most egregious ones in the last I don't know whenever that came out five, six years ago. I actually wrote a blog post about that, but I simply asked them the question of hey, can you point out any of the divorced dads that you know? Because I have a community and they get to see the divorced dads. Do you know any of them that act like the character in the Incredibles 2? Like you're completely bumbling, couldn't handle anything, etc. And when I had them stop and think about that, they were like no, I really can't. So that helps. And I have three daughters. No, I really can't. So that helps. And I have three daughters. So that helps to negate that stupid and ridiculous narrative that continues to go on. So point these out, point this stuff out to your children and ask them questions around that of real life examples you know, and then also point out to them, engage divorced dads as well, and then also do this in your online platforms and fatherhood support groups. The more that we encourage each other and support each other and lift each other up, the more courage we're going to have and the less fear we'll have around speaking up and out about this stuff and sharing about being a single dad. So you know, we, if we help each other, if we lift each other up, if we support uh and uh and tell each other that we're proud of each other, then this is going to just give us uh, more, uh, just just more energy around being open about it.
Speaker 1:Okay, number five corporate America's treatment of divorced dad. Workplaces often assume that mothers handle the bulk of parenting responsibilities, offering little support for fathers who need time for custody exchanges. Offering little support for fathers who need time for custody exchanges, parent-teacher conferences or emergencies. Many companies do not accommodate co-parenting schedules, making it harder for divorced dads to balance work and family life. A specific example is some HR policies allow for maternity leave and support for single moms, but fail to provide similar benefits for fathers who share custody. I will say this is getting better. It is still not great. How do we combat it? Advocate for workplace policies that recognize the needs of co-parenting fathers. Also request flexible scheduling or remote work options to accommodate parenting responsibilities and support father friendly employers. And highlight companies to provide paternity leave and equal parenting benefits. If you work for one of these companies and you have experienced that and you know that, share that on LinkedIn. Share that on social media so that other fathers know about it. What this is going to do, it's going to acknowledge the role of divorced dads and help normalize shared parenting and create a fair environment for all of us fathers.
Speaker 1:Okay, the last one is probably the biggest one and I'm not going to go into real, specific, intimate details, but it is the legal system's bias against divorced dads. We could have probably many months-long episodes around all the specific details around this, but the family court system often assumes that mothers are the primary caregivers, making it difficult for fathers to get fair custody arrangements. Courts may favor do favor maternal custody, even when the father is equally or more capable equally or more capable. So this is just a given. There's statistics all around this. Specific examples is many fathers are awarded minimal visitation time, despite having stable jobs and living conditions that could support joint custody. This is also dependent a little bit about where you live in our country, in the United States, and where you live in the rest of the world, in the countries, whatever country you might be listening from as well. But by and large and generally, there is still this outdated mentality around the legal system and fathers. So how can you combat it?
Speaker 1:These are just three really quick ones and we need to do way more work on this and, like I said, one of the guys in our group is championing some of this. He's created the Signal channel on Signal, if you search that for the Divorced Advocate to help give us some support and then also turn you on to different types of resources as well. But first and foremost, educate yourself on father's rights and work with experienced family law attorneys. So learn the statutes where you're from, understand what they are so that you can speak intelligently to a family law attorney. Don't just listen to the family law attorney. They're going to say well, this is what I commonly see, and what they commonly see is basically what they can get through the family law system in the least amount of time with the least amount of effort, so that they're not having to piss off judges or other attorneys and fight with them or go to trial. Now, you don't want to go to trial, but you do want to make sure that you are doing what is in the best interest of your kiddos, which is you having as much parenting time at least 50-50 with your kiddos.
Speaker 1:The next thing you can do is lobby for equal custody laws that prioritize both parents' involvement in children's lives. There are some of these, several of these across the country here in the United States that are happening. They've had some success in some different states at baselining at 50-50, which is a good start, and then taking it from there, based upon what the findings are in the court case, etc. And then the other thing you do is document everything to build a strong case for fair custody arrangements. Start doing that immediately. We've talked about this in some earlier episodes about how to document, why, to document what to document, what tools to utilize in documenting, actually working from the presumption that you are guilty until proven innocent and or incompetent until proven competent. So make sure that you document everything that you know, everything that you've taken the time to really immerse yourself and understand what's going on and understand what's going on. This is going to lead to more balanced custody decisions, ensuring children benefit from equal time with parents, but mostly benefiting from all of the positives that you bring as a father, to their lives.
Speaker 1:There are things that only you can provide in your children's lives that nobody else can as a father, and so that's why it's incumbent upon you to fight for the time with your children. You might think that fighting is disruptive and hurts them. What hurts them more is not having their father involved in their life, rather than making things disruptive and uncomfortable, disruption, discomfort is okay. It's a part of life. They're going to experience that all through life. Kids are resilient. What they're not going to get to experience all through their life is the time with their father and the lessons and what they can learn by being and spending being with you and spending time with you. So make sure that you are advocating for your parenting time.
Speaker 1:My final thoughts are we must take an active role in reshaping the narrative surrounding fatherhood post-divorce. We need to challenge negative portrayals in media, in entertainment, in advertising, in corporate policies and the legal system. We can redefine our role and prove that fatherhood doesn't end with divorce. It evolves with divorce into a different type of parenting. Divorce into a different type of parenting. Every engaged, divorced dad who shares his story demands fair representation and challenges bias is helping to build a future where fathers are seen as equally important in their children's lives.
Speaker 1:This isn't just about dads. It's about ensuring children grow up knowing their fathers are just as vital and committed as their mothers. So, gentlemen, thank you for listening to this I guess semi-rant, but also something that I'm passionate about, and I just want to continue to emphasize to you your importance in your kiddo's life. Keep up the fight, stay strong and stay the course. If you are experiencing difficult and challenging times in getting to spend time with your kiddos, okay, if you found some value in this, please share it far and wide. Give us a star rating, leave a comment that helps us immensely, put it on social media, like I mentioned earlier, and I hope to see you and talk with you again next week. Thanks for listening, god bless.
