The Divorced Dadvocate: Divorce Support For Dads

268 - What Happens When Child Support Stops Coming?

• Jude Sandvall • Season 6 • Episode 268

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Ever wondered what happens when child support or alimony payments suddenly stop because of circumstances beyond anyone's control? Ron Platt has created the solution that divorce attorneys, judges, and families have needed for decades.

Ron's website: NASDF.org and Support Insured

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Divorced Dads Online Meetup Group - https://www.meetup.com/Divorced-Dads-Meetup-Group/

The Divorced Dadvocate Facebook Group - https://www.facebook.com/thedivorceddadvocate/

Music credit: Akira the Don

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Speaker 1:

Hello and welcome to the show. Thanks for tuning in this week and I am thrilled to have my guest today talking about a very interesting and unique topic today. But before we jump into that, I just wanted to remind you to check out thedivorcedadvocatecom. I want to welcome Craig and Greg that rhymes, craig and Greg to the Divorced Advocate community this week. If you're not part of it yet, check it out.

Speaker 1:

There are tools and there are resources for any dad that is going through divorce. Wherever you're at in the divorce process before, during and after, wherever you are at financially, wherever Just get involved. We've got all kinds of resources, from free to paid. Check it out at thedivorcedadvocatecom. And also the Foundation for Fathers is up. It's going. This is a great, great organization that is helping dads in need. If you are a dad in need, get contact with me. We've got some sponsored memberships for you. But also if you know a business or you are a business owner that takes credit cards, get them in contact with me because we can save them money and we can fund the foundation for fathers ongoing through the bank fees that go come back to us instead of going to the bank. So it's a win-win for everybody. Cost business owners nothing. It is really awesome and amazing. So get them in contact with me, or get in contact with me at jude at thedivorcedadvocatecom.

Speaker 1:

All right, my guest today, ron Platt, is a lifelong entrepreneur who launched his first venture at 18 years old. After graduating from Florida State University, he dove into the insurance industry, gravitating towards product development, especially in niche markets most underwriters avoided. It was during this time that the idea for the National Association for Single and Divorced Families, nasdf, and its insurance arm, support Insured, first took shape. Though the concept began decades ago, it took 30 years to bring it to life. For the past 23 years, ron has built a successful career in real estate, guiding homebuyers and sellers, helping investors grow their returns and advising developers from concept to design. But his true passion lies in NASDF and its mission, advocating for foster care, reform and breaking cycles of intergenerational poverty. Together with co-founder Joy Reid, he launched NASDF and recently they introduced Support Insured, the first and only divorce insurance product on the market. Ron, welcome to the show.

Speaker 2:

Thank you, sir, thank you, jude. I'm pleased to be here.

Speaker 1:

Man, I'm so excited to talk to you about this and I say every week. I'm so excited because there are so many exciting things going on. It seems like recently there's a lot of exciting stuff and what you have created here is really absolutely amazing. And I want to get into talking about support insured, but first tell us a little bit about kind of what I mean, talk a little bit about it, but what led you to start NASDF and kind of your story.

Speaker 2:

Yeah, so when I was doing the insurance product I worked with my dad at the time, who I always joke. When Lloyd's of London started in the 1800s, my dad was there doing the first policies, that's how long he was in the insurance business.

Speaker 2:

But we were sitting having lunch and he said you know, I always wanted to come up with a product that would guarantee child support and alimony for death, disability and involuntary unemployment. And I looked at him I said that's fricking brilliant. And he goes, yeah. And I said well, you know, we have an association, why don't we switch it over and cater to people who are getting divorced? And he said oh, that's brilliant. And he said but don't launch the association until we get the insurance done.

Speaker 2:

So my dad was like a pit bull. He would not let go and for like the last 25 years or 30 years he tried placing the insurance. Now he was able to get stuff done. Nobody else was able to do it. This was the one product that every insurance company we went to said no. And it wasn't because it was a high claims or it was not profitable or something like that. It was just out of the box and it was in an industry that a majority of the world doesn't look at, which is divorce. It's very voodoo type thing. Other than a family law attorneys.

Speaker 2:

A lot of people don't understand what the needs and wants are, so I kind of shelved it for a while, I came across an investor who had approached me about it. I rushed it off, updated the business plan and every time I would look at the business plan I realized this is my passion. I want to be able to provide help and services and support and resources for people who are getting a divorce and get them to restart their lives and give them a strong foundation during this transitionary period. And so the investor, after working with me for three months, said no, we're not interested. If it's so good, why hasn't somebody else done this? And we modeled ourselves after AARP and most of us know who AARP is. And I said if AARP has 36 million members, why hasn't somebody competed with them? And he said yeah, I know, you said that once before, but we're going to go ahead and pass.

Speaker 2:

So I'm driving home and my dad, who had since passed, sends me a message that I hear very clearly and he says you don't have crap, you need to go mortgage the house and start the business. And I thought, okay, I'm driving home, I got the top down, I'm thinking about it. I get home and I sit with my risk adverse better half and say you know, this is my passion. I've been wanting to do this for the last 20 years. It's either you got to step up and make it happen or you just got to. You know, throw it away. And I'm not going to throw it away. So we need to borrow some money on the house. He asked what's the best case, worst case scenario? And I said the best case scenario is we create this magnificent company that can help hundreds of thousands of people across the country and we give the money that we make a majority of it back to making better things happen with it, or this whole thing screws up and our mortgage payment's $1,000 more than what we're paying right now and we still have equity in the house. So he said yes, we went ahead and did that.

Speaker 2:

I hired a PR company and it wasn't just putting the website together, it was reconnecting with a lot of the people I used to do business with who were really happy to hear that I was getting back in the business, and it's the company that takes the credit cards, the enrollment company. There's massive amounts of things that happened behind the scenes that needed to come together and when they say it's meant to be it all just very easily, I'm saying easy, it took us almost a year to put it together, but everybody was happy to reconnect and to want to be part of this association About six months ago. So we started the association. We did a light kickoff. We were really waiting to get the insurance in place and about six months ago an old friend of mine called up and said did you ever place the insurance? I said no, and he goes I have somebody I want you to talk to. And he gets the 70-year-old underwriter on the phone and I love these older underwriters because they were the original risk takers. They didn't overthink it. They said what's the worst case, best case scenario? What's the premium you think we can charge and can we change the premium if it starts to go haywire? And the answer was yes, yes and yes. He said do you have an actuary report? I said I do. I sent it to him and about two, three weeks later he called back and said we're going to do it, we love it. And I was so emotional about it. I remember looking up at my dad going oh my God, I think I just did this. So it was very healing for both of us.

Speaker 2:

Then it was a matter of coming up with the software to go ahead and make sure it's as easy as possible to purchase and get a policy, and I originally went with the wrong company, ended up going with the right company. As of two Fridays ago we launched it. It's now on our website. Support Insured is live and active. If you go to our website, nasdforg, you'll see an insurance button. Hit that icon and it'll tell you everything you want to know on how to enroll and immediately sign up.

Speaker 2:

So yeah we're pretty excited about it.

Speaker 1:

That's amazing. I love the background and that's why I always ask there's always a beautiful background to why somebody gets involved, especially in divorce and divorce being involved with divorce or divorce people or helping or whatever, and it's always, it's always a passion, it seems to be always a passion project and and because somebody cares or there's some significant background or something that's come up.

Speaker 2:

So for me it's about life experiences that I've gone through, that I can help people come out of. I'm a foster parent. I took my kid in at 13 years old. It was not easy. Clearly he had been abused, he had been neglected. And then I get him and I missed her love and I tried to pour that into him and of course he was apprehensive at first but eventually came around and I noticed a lot of the services that I was trying to get him through the system were failing. So thank God I was in a position to afford private care, but a majority of the people can't.

Speaker 2:

And in no way am I saying that the caseworkers are not doing their jobs. I think they do a fantastic job. I think that the states are underfunded and these caseworkers are overwhelmed. So what ends up happening is the kids end up suffering. So I knew back then and we're talking almost 20 somewhat years ago that I wanted to have a voice to give to these kids to make sure that they were getting the right kind of treatments that they were meant to have. I remember taking my kid to school one day and he started pointing out all the friends that he knew that were on the side of the streets that were homeless and I said, come on, there's not that many homeless kids out there. And he goes oh yeah, they are. And he would start pointing them out and then I could not see it. Everywhere I went I saw that there were these homeless kids who were either foster kids that left foster care or were kicked out of their homes and I thought I got to help these kids somehow.

Speaker 2:

So it evolved from that to watching my friends go through horrible divorces. I call mine the undivorced. I was never married to my ex but I went through 14 years with him and knowing the difference of being loved conditionally and unconditionally were huge. I went into an unconditional I mean a conditional love relationship because that's how I was brought up, so naturally I was going to have a relationship like that. And the last two years of that relationship were so bad that I still have PTSD over it and went through the same stuff as every divorce goes through.

Speaker 2:

We had to hire an attorney. He went after the properties. He would not stop after everything was done. I mean it was a horrible experience that I thought I would never get out of, but I survived. And I not only survived, I flourished and I want to be able to show people how I did it, what tools I used. Take the experiences that my friends have gone through and be able to make it better, more efficient, and let people know there is a life after divorce and it's going to get better if you've learned from it and not repeat the same mistake over and over again.

Speaker 1:

Yeah, exactly, so that's kind of how we formed this whole association.

Speaker 1:

Very well said. So let's describe specifically and get into specifically what Support Insure does. So you sent me some information and it's an insurance solution that provides financial protection for court ordered support obligations in the event the payer becomes either disabled, deceased or involuntarily unemployed, correct, right? Okay, you don't cover voluntary non-payment, right? So this isn't for deadbeat parents to go get an insurance policy and then not be paying on it, right? So I'm sure there's some things that they need to do to make claims, et cetera.

Speaker 1:

So, and in a sense, let's see, say, we provide a guaranteed financial safety net when life circumstances make it possible, not unwilling, for the payer to meet their obligations. So I'm curious do you feel like the? So you said that it's taken so long to get this? Underwriters didn't want to do it. Do you feel like, because the times are so different now that it used to be where you work for a company for 20 or 30 years, now it is the gig economy there's you don't work for a company for many years, there's job hopping all the time. Do you feel like that had something to do with their willingness to underwrite this at?

Speaker 2:

this point With the carrier that I have now to write it.

Speaker 1:

Yeah, just that somebody was willing to look at it and do something with it.

Speaker 2:

I think it was chance, I think, I came across a company that had enough money in reserves that was writing one or two products and wanted another niche product to put into the carrier. So this is basically another form of what we call credit insurance. A lot of credit card companies have offered that if you die, become disabled or involuntarily unemployed, they'll continue making your credit card payments for up to a year. And that's what my and we went to those companies that are underwriting that product and they said no. So it's like all we want to do is use that same product but apply it towards the divorce community. And no, they didn't want to do it. It the guy that ended up doing it was like, yeah, I think this has a lot of validity to it and I I want to. I want to give it a shot. So it's something that almost all of us need.

Speaker 2:

I know right now, when you get a divorce, the only option is life insurance, which I still want people to have because it will cover if you die. It'll cover the kids up to 18 or 21. I don't know if it necessarily will cover the cover the alimony, but it will cover if you die. It'll cover the kids up to 18 or 21. I don't know if it necessarily will cover the cover the alimony, but it will definitely cover the child support. But the question is well, what if he becomes disabled? I say he what if they become disabled.

Speaker 1:

Sure.

Speaker 2:

Involuntarily, involuntarily unemployed, meaning they the they've had to close the plant or, if he's an entrepreneur downsizing, things of that nature, not because you quit, but because you were let go because of a company downsize or you had to close the business. So, if you are a deadbeat parent, the state does a great job at making sure you pay. They'll go after your IRS, they'll go after your wages, everything to make sure that that person who's supposed to receive it is receiving those payments.

Speaker 1:

Yeah, yeah. So in this process and it would be in this day and age, sometimes the woman and for our purposes saying he is fine, right, because it's mostly dads that are listening to this podcast. But it goes either way and it's good for the dads that there's lots of stay-at-home dads that listen to the show as well, to know that this product is available, to be able to let their attorneys know that that would be something that they might want to have in their settlement for their soon-to-be ex to potentially have. So what are the costs associated with this and how does that get determined? How does that get determined? And let's say a dad is thinking about this and they want to include it in their agreement, what would they do? How would they determine what that cost is and go forward from there?

Speaker 2:

Yeah. So if they go to our website, nasdforg, and they click on the insurance icon, it says information and then it'll give you the rate chart. So I think if you're paying out and we're very we try to tell people don't buy more than what you need. So if you're only collecting 5,000, don't buy 10,000 because that's good for us, but we're only going to pay you five because we want to.

Speaker 2:

When you go to make the claim, we have to see what the court mandated amount is and that's what we're covering. When you go to make the claim, we have to see what the court mandated amount is and that's what we're covering. So if you're paying $5,000, it might be like I don't know $500 a year, $450 a year, and that also comes with a discounted annual membership to NASDF as well. So it's not a lot. These are annual policies, it's an automatic renewal unless you tell us to go ahead and cancel it. And, by the way, either party can purchase it. So if the payor let's say the person receiving the money is asking the other attorney to make sure that the payer is purchasing it and the payer says no, then the payee can purchase it on behalf of the payer.

Speaker 1:

Oh, okay, Interesting, and then okay. So if that's the case in the scenario, then so if you get into a claim situation, then what is the process for going about that and determining and showing the fact that one of these things has happened? You become disabled. Well, deceased is obvious, right, but disabled or or involuntarily unemployed.

Speaker 2:

So they, the, they, they again what they have to show the reason why they were being laid off. I think there's a couple of questions when you're filling out the application how long have you been with the current employer? And if the payee is buying this, they will need to know that information as well. If it's on behalf of the payor, how long they've been with their employer? Have they been with any companies that have had to close their plants? There's a bunch of questions that they ask that are pretty simple questions and that kind of gives us the automatic underwriting that we need as to whether we can go ahead and accept the policyholder. When it comes to disability, I think one of the questions is do you currently have a terminal illness or are you currently injured or receiving disability? Because if you're currently receiving it, clearly there's a waiting period, I think of 60 or 90 days, before you can qualify for the disability payment. So the questions are like a pre-underwriting and if you're accepted, then we're done. You get a certificate of insurance and you're automatically insured Got it.

Speaker 1:

So the thing that immediately came to my mind when you're saying, well, either party can purchase the policy, was well, if you're in a high conflict and contentious, you just don't get along. Why would the the person that's paying give you the information in order to, to, to convert on the policy? If they weren't, they weren't paying. But the answer and I answered in my own head, but I want to put that out there, because the first thing I was thinking was like, if my ex it like it'd be, or vice versa it was, it was always contentious. Like, and sharing information was really not. Not, it could be sometimes just a not healthy thing, right, because there are other issues that are the reasons, that are other things that it might be used against, but it is actually so. Let's say, in the scenario that your ex buys this policy, you become involuntarily unemployed, like you said, the courts really don't care, unfortunately, and they want you still owe that money and they still want you to pay that money. And if you're looking whether you're looking for a job or not, looking for a job, that just doesn't go into their, their, whatever their calculations or their brains, that's, if you don't have money coming, it's hard to pay money going out, so it would, and then oftentimes that leads to and this is a whole nother topic in a in a whole nother podcast that there's.

Speaker 1:

There's men that end up in jail because they're behind. There's they. They get interest rate or interest tacked onto it. It just becomes this snowball effect that is absolutely brutal for for some men. So that's the reason one to get it yourself, if you do, oh, and it's inexpensive, really, and and it's also the reason to cooperate, because then you don't get put into contempt, you don't have the states coming after you nonstop. You're not paying I'm assuming you don't have to you're not going to be paying interest because you're actually making the insurance companies making the payments. So you're making the payments, you're not getting behind.

Speaker 1:

So, yeah, penalized Good, that's the word I was looking for, so there's a myriad of reasons to spend the small extra amount on this, just in case.

Speaker 2:

And it's more of a cushion. Again, we're only going to pay up to a year. We're also giving whoever is purchasing it the payee most likely a thousand dollars for legal services, which is not much, but it enables you to start the process, could possibly file with the courts to go ahead and push the other person to get the job or to start paying the alimony. If you see you're coming up to month 11th and 12th and the person still hasn't gotten a job, you're going to want to pursue it legally to make sure that when the year is up you're still getting paid.

Speaker 2:

So we want to have an incentive for that person to seek a position or seek another job, instead of just being like, yeah, let the insurance company pay for it, I'm good Well that's not the purpose we're giving you a cushion is what we're giving you.

Speaker 1:

That's amazing. And then you mentioned that they also get a membership to NASDF. So let's talk a little bit about NASDF and the organization, what specifically you guys offer and how people can get involved in it.

Speaker 2:

Absolutely so. It's the first association of its kind where we want to be able to take product services, support and resources and put it under one umbrella. If you go to Google and you type in the word divorce, you're going to get about five pages worth of attorneys. It isn't until you get to six, seven and eight that you're going to start to or more, that you're going to start to get resources for dads, resources for moms, how to divorce coaches. I mean, I'm learning so much about this industry. Now I came across somebody that is a coach on how to deal with your pets.

Speaker 2:

Okay, I came across somebody else this I just learned. We have a coach that, when it comes to, you're just trying to decide alimony and child support, how much are you going to need for that kid to go to college? And then what does that budget look like? Most parents don't know. It's like I don't know. Is it $10,000 a year? $50,000 a year? So this woman has a great company. She helps people who are divorcing figure out not only what the cost of college tuition is going to be so that they can put that in the settlement agreement, but also helps that child to get into college. Helps that child to get into college. It does this whole process of making sure the child is doing the applications, looking at the applications and trying to make them better and then helping them source the right colleges.

Speaker 2:

I was blown away. I had no idea these services were out there. So there's so many great people like yourself. There's great podcasts that are out there. Here in Florida our children have R have Rights, which is a nonprofit organization that deals with child custody issues. If you don't have the money to hire an attorney, you can go to Our Children have Voices and ask them and they'll guide you on how to file with the courts. They'll bring in attorneys that are at a tremendous discount to help you with the paperwork. I don't know how this guy makes money, but he has a phenomenal organization that's a. They'll bring in attorneys that are at a tremendous discount to help you with the paperwork. I don't know how this guy makes money, but he has a phenomenal organization that's a nonprofit. So this resource would never have been known had it not been for me sourcing these and my co-founder sourcing these people as well. Doing is she's going state by state and vetting attorneys and mediation companies and financial companies and just all the resources, so that you could just look. Some resources show that they're national, but they're not. They're just state. Even though they might say I'm a national mediation company, they're only in three states. So that's what she's doing is sourcing a lot of those companies, vetting them and then putting them on our resource page as we continue to grow.

Speaker 2:

Well, currently, some of our products things that you need when you're getting a divorce Well, mental health care is a big one, especially for the kids or the parents we give three free sessions and then discounted sessions thereafter. Once we hit a certain number of members, we increase that to eight free sessions per occurrence. So if you have depression and anxiety, it'll be 16 free sessions and then discounted sessions thereafter. Wow, childcare you got to put your kid in a daycare. So we are with a company called Learning Group or Learning Care Group, and they have Montessori, la Petite Academy and YouGrow and they put you at the top of the list. If there's a waiting list, they discount the application fees. And again, as we grow bigger and bigger, those discounts get larger as well.

Speaker 2:

Real estate you need to buy or sell. So what I was able to do I'm a realtor. I was able to put together a national group of realtors that I can refer our members to. If you're calling as a member and you want a referral, typically we send out a referral fee, which is 25%, so I'm referring that agent to you. When it closes, that agent's going to send me 25% of his commission. What we do for our members is that 25% commission actually goes back to our members to help them offset their closing costs, so that savings alone could be three to 5,000, possibly more, depending on the price of your house. What I like about that is there are no realtors that can afford to do that, because we don't make our money on the real estate side.

Speaker 2:

We're a nonprofit entity, we're a not-for-profit, soon-to-be nonprofit entity and we're able to give that money back. So that's the incentive to use one of our agents, versus going to your neighbor down the street and say, hey, sell my house. We have Noonlight, which is a safety app. If you feel you're unsafe, you just download this app and you'll have the police department right there to make sure they're there to help you. I have to look at my board sometimes because there's so many different products that we have GoGo, mediation, financial services, now we have coaches. It just goes on and on. If you go to our website, nasdforg, and you look under the benefits, you're going to see that there's probably 30 to 35 different benefits on there that will continue to increase, like I said, as our membership grows. I call it the costco effect I don't know if costco, I didn't know.

Speaker 2:

Costco has 178 million members, which is like that half of the US population.

Speaker 2:

That's why they're able to offer products so cheap and yeah, I mean they even have caskets as you're walking, that you can order and good quality products that are reasonably priced right, exactly, and they can do that because they have so many members, that because they have so many members, as we continue to grow, we're going to go to companies like Target and Safeway and Publix and wherever the local grocery store is in your area and say can you offer our members discounts for diapers and formulas and things that they need for their kids? I want to go to AutoNation and be able to say can you give my members a discount when they go to buy a car from you? One of the pet projects that I'm working on right now is a credit card that can be used for legal services. So we've heard of CareCredit credit card, which is for the two things they do is cosmetic surgery and pet care. Okay, I've gone to them and said hey, can you set up a credit card for legal services so that?

Speaker 2:

If well, for instance, we had one of our members come to us recently and said I don't have any money to pay for the attorney. Is there something you can help us with? And of course, we gave her a list of attorneys that she can contact, but the attorneys that she went to wanted $5,000 up front, but her husband controls the money, so she wasn't able to do that. So then she goes for the free legal care legal resources wasn't able to do that. So then she goes for the free legal care, the legal resources and they add up their combined salaries and because of the husband's salary she made too much money and didn't qualify for the free legal.

Speaker 2:

So what I want to do is put together a credit card that she could apply for and pick which attorney she wants to go to, and it has a five or $10,000 limit. She's able to pay for the attorney, or she's able to pay for mediation, or she's able to use it for court costs or things of that nature, and that's it. That's brilliant. I'm trying to find if you, anybody out in your audience, knows how to put these credit cards together. It's been a challenge. Recently went to a company, to a bank that thinks way outside the box that I was very happy with, and they, the response is we don't do credit cards. I'm like, right, but do you know who I could go to? No, right, so I'll find it.

Speaker 1:

Yeah, you think that they have that for everything Auto repair, dental work, doctors like you said pet care, all kinds of different things. That's a brilliant idea for somebody going through a divorce, because I hear that all the time I just I don't have, I just don't have the money to give a retainer, and they might not have another, another way to do it or credit cards or any other resources or savings. So that's brilliant.

Speaker 2:

There is a company that does finance legal services but you have to go through the attorney to get it, so that that doesn't really give you the free, the ability to pick which one.

Speaker 2:

You have to go through the attorney to get it, so that doesn't really give you the ability to pick which one you want to go with, because the attorney has to refer that person into that company. I don't want to do that. I want to give the freedom to my member to pick any attorney they want, and I'm very specific that on the credit card, it has to be for somebody with a low score of 500 or 550 on up, so that there are people that are having financial situations when they're in the process of divorce. We want to be able to help. We know that, and that's why our membership fee is only $19 a month and you get like $5,000 or $6,000 worth of free benefits just off the top, because we want to be able to make sure that you can afford it and that there are services out there, knowing that you might have difficulty affording the divorce.

Speaker 1:

That's amazing and I'm very proud to let everybody know in the audience that we've come to an agreement to be trusted allies in this process. You're going to be one of our trusted allies under our membership page and offering them all of these great benefits, and we're going to be helping out as well with USDF and any of the dads that come through your organization too as well. So excited to be able to work together on this, moving towards just getting that support out there and finding unique. It takes people like you, ron and it's why I was so excited to connect with you and appreciate that you reached out to me People like you that have a couple of things One, just a unique perspective and looking at things from outside of the box and trying to do things differently.

Speaker 1:

Because in this family law system and this whole divorce system, the unfortunate thing is it's become normalized and it's been controlled in just one real aspect from attorneys and we're not and I'm not bad mouthing attorneys and I'm not anything it's just they've kind of created the whole system, they adjudicate the system and and so and it benefits them right.

Speaker 1:

So people, human nature, you're not going to look to make changes on something that's really benefiting you and you don't really need to so to when you have somebody like you that's looking to do something differently and trying to find different ways to help you. Because ultimately you said it talking about helping kids and ultimately what we're doing here by helping dads is helping kids and helping families to to get healthy and and to live better lives. And then the second thing that you bring is just a dogged determination to keep getting this done, because going through this process and you described a little bit of what you went through it's a battle right, and you got to battle to make change. You got to battle to stay in the fight and just show up every single day. So I just really appreciate that that you're doing that.

Speaker 2:

So thank you, and we also want to emphasize that we want to represent men as much as we represent women. In fact, if you go to our page, the first page is a man holding up a child, because we realized that a lot of the resources that are out there are geared towards women and when you look for the men's side, there's not as much, and we're hoping to be able to build that up as well.

Speaker 1:

Yeah, absolutely so.

Speaker 1:

Yeah, your organization is for single and divorced families, men and women, and it's open to everybody, which is terrific, because the majority of divorcing couples do it amicably right.

Speaker 1:

So this is a resource that the dads that are listening to can share with your soon-to-be ex, because it would benefit her to be involved in your organization and get some mental health help and some therapy sessions and a real estate agent maybe that knows how to get through the real estate. I don't know if you're working with mortgage people yet, but mortgage people that know how to actually position people in order to be successful post-divorce, to either doing assumptions, taking somebody out of the existing property, buying new, whatever it might be. There's nuances to all that. There's nuances to going through all of this right, and so what you're providing is people and you said it vetted people that are going to be good at doing that, and for the dads, that's especially huge. You've hit it on the nail on the head by saying for dads there's not. That's why we're here, right, we're really geared to specifically to dads, but there's not people that are really focused on dads but also divorce either, because it's a different beast.

Speaker 2:

I think that when a dad divorces, he feels alone because a lot of times the family members come from the woman's side of the side, where they don't have that tight-knit group of friends that women tend to have. So they're looking for compatibility, they're looking for a buddy, they're looking for support, and that's what we're trying to initiate as well. I know they're out there and if they're out there, we're going to try to bring that resource in. A lot of times you don't have to recreate it. It's already out there and if the model is working well, let's bring it in. Let's show them where to go.

Speaker 1:

That's the divorced advocate community right, bringing guys together to make sure that they're not going through it alone because, man, you've been through it, I've been through it. Everybody listening is either going through it or been through it. It's really brutal and guys we just kind of self-isolate if we don't have that already built in prior.

Speaker 2:

So yeah, it's absolutely positively huge and we're bringing in relationship coaches because we know that when we're single we're going to go out and start dating again. What we want to make sure we do is not repeat the same mistake over and over again. So a lot of times when I sit with somebody who's been single for a while and I say, well, what are you looking for?

Speaker 1:

And they tell me what they're not looking for and I say, well, that's great, but what are you looking for?

Speaker 2:

And they're like well, but I just told you. So now you told me what you're not looking for. I want to know what you're looking for. And they're like oh well, you know, okay. So that's problem number one.

Speaker 2:

Problem number two is why were you attracted to that previous person and are you attracting that same person again? Are you being loved conditionally or unconditionally? And if you don't know what that means, let's go ahead and start talking about that, because, yeah, if you turn around and get married again, I'm probably going to lose you as a member. I'm okay with that, but I want you to be able to go back into that marriage in a healthy way. I'm very blessed in that. In the five years I was single, I really wanted to work on myself to make sure that I dealt with a lot of my childhood trauma, to make sure that the and, naturally, when I ended my relationship six months later, I ended up dating the same person. That looked different, but it was the same person. And as I started dating this person, I realized there's something oddly familiar about this and it's because I was dating the same person, so when?

Speaker 2:

I ended that I said no, I got to make it. I got to make a change. Why do I keep attracting this person? What is it? And through that five-year period, through hiring a life coach, through journaling my thoughts, through getting therapy, through all these things that I did, I realized this is what I'm looking for. And when I hyper-focused on what it was that I was looking for, that's what I found, and I'm very blessed to say that I'm now loved unconditionally. I found my soulmate. I've been with this person for 15 years and every day is a blessing. It feels like this is somebody I'm going to be with for the rest of my life, because I took the time out and I did the hard work to figure out what I needed in my partner and it works, and that's what we kind of want to be able to show our members.

Speaker 1:

Right, yeah, you were smarter than me. It took you six months and you know I was the opposite.

Speaker 2:

It took me five years. No, I did.

Speaker 1:

Well, no, no, no, no, no you. It took you six months to figure out that you needed to spend five years doing the work. I spent five years to figure out that I need to start doing the work Right. And so, yeah, so, so hopefully we can help more. More people understand.

Speaker 1:

Yeah, there's a relational dynamic that went on. What was that? What was your responsibility in that? What can you do better? That's we talk about it all the time on the show here and then in private, and group coaching too is like what can you control?

Speaker 1:

And that's the big thing with going through divorce, especially with men and dads. We want to be in control, we want to have a linear path, we want to know where we're. We want to have a linear path. We want to know where we're going, what we're doing, how we're doing it. And during divorce, it's nothing like that, it's chaos. So it's very, very different for men and dads to go through it. So it is a great opportunity because, whether you want to or not, you're going to have to deal with that uncertainty and that chaos. So it's a great opportunity for that to happen and to really look at what you control and yourself going through it. And yeah, we just try to encourage and help that as much as possible. So Ron and NASDF is going to be listed on our Trusted Allies webpage. It's coming up here very soon. In the meantime, how can the listeners find NASDF get involved with that and also support and share?

Speaker 2:

Absolutely, nasdforg. You go there, you can hit the membership. You'll see all the benefits before you even join. You can click on each one to get all the information you want off of it. If you just want the insurance or you just want information on the insurance, click on the insurance tab, hit the information button. You'll see the tab showing what the cost is based off of your court mandated amounts. Based off of your court-mandated amounts, application is probably about 25 questions and then it'll automatically proceed forward. If you qualify, it just asks for your credit card. You'll get a certificate of insurance immediately and you get the one-year membership at NASDF as well at a much discounted rate. So it's a win-win situation. Awesome, nasdforg. Also, by the way, if you want to check out our social, yeah, correct, okay.

Speaker 2:

And if you want to check out our, our social social media. We're nasdforg on instagram. You can go to youtube. You can see all the videos, these, these great podcasts we're doing. You can go to tiktok as well'm on there and of course. Instagram as well.

Speaker 1:

Awesome. Ron. Thank you so much for sharing today. Thank you for all the work that you're doing. It's absolutely amazing and such a blessing and it was great having you on today.

Speaker 2:

Thank you, Jude. I really appreciate what you're doing and I'm glad to be a partner with you.

People on this episode

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Jude Sandvall: The Divorced Dadvocate

Host
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Ron Platt

Guest