The Divorced Dadvocate: Divorce Support For Dads
The Divorced Dadvocate: Divorce Support For Dads is a weekly podcast designed specifically for fathers navigating divorce. It addresses the unique challenges men face and offers practical guidance, emotional support, and real-life insights to help dads survive — and ultimately thrive — during and after divorce.
Each episode combines honest conversation, personal stories, and action-oriented advice to help listeners rebuild confidence, create healthy co-parenting strategies, manage finances, navigate court complexities, and heal emotionally. Since launching in 2020, the show has become a trusted resource and supportive community for divorced and divorcing dads.
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The Divorced Dadvocate: Divorce Support For Dads
273 - Equal Custody: Data vs Dangerous Dad Narratives
The war on fathers continues in our family courts, and this episode exposes how biased judicial systems actively endanger our children by perpetuating false narratives about paternal risk. When Kentucky implemented a presumption of equal custody, divorce rates plummeted by 25%—proof that removing incentives for parental alienation keeps families together. Yet mainstream media continues framing equal parenting as a dangerous "experiment" despite overwhelming evidence to the contrary.
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Hello and welcome to the show. Thanks so much for tuning in. This week we are going to be talking about actually, we're going to be talking about what I started my week off. This week I was a little bit fired up about an article, and actually the article itself is really good news for divorce and divorcing dads, but the content and the context in which it was written really troubled me. But before we jump into that, let me welcome Sam and Josh to the Divorced Advocate community. Those are our newest members and I want to encourage you to check out the website.
Speaker 1:We've made some changes to it. We're adding some stuff to it. We've got so much going on, gentlemen, right now, but check out the website at thedivorcedadvocatecom. We've got a new coaching program that's going to be starting here on October 29th, called the Thriving Father Transformation Program. It's actually a group coaching program, so if you've been thinking and hesitating maybe, about getting involved in some coaching, this is an affordable way. It's also going to allow you to get some complimentary private coaching with me, as well as a lifetime membership to the Divorced Advocate. So it is well, well worth the money and you're going to get some huge, huge benefits out of it. So check that out at thedivorcedadvocatecom. It's right on the main page there, the Thriving Father Transformation Program. That's a mouthful if you say it really fast. Okay, fellas. So I started the.
Speaker 1:This has been a challenging week. I'm sure a lot of you are feeling it. We've had so much going on in our country, here in the United States, and I actually started the week. Out got a little waylaid in reading this article from the Wall Street Journal that is called the Equal Custody Experiment. If you want to check it out, just Google the Equal Custody Experiment, which just that title irritates the crap out of me in general, because that shouldn't be an experiment. That should be the default. But that is kind of the point of the article.
Speaker 1:What has happened in Kentucky, I think about a little over a year ago, is they put into statute that custody parenting time would be 50-50 to start in the court. So that is where the courts start. Unless there's something egregious one way or the other, it starts at 50-50 and that is the default. Well, guess what? This is going to come as no surprise to you and me and anybody with rational thought, but divorces plummeted, not just insignificantly, but they plummeted in Kentucky over that year to the tune of decrease in 25%. Now I know you're thinking, hey well, just stop incentivizing alienating children and creating a financial incentive for one party to file more divorces, and that's what's going to happen. I know that makes perfect sense, makes perfect sense to you and to me, and that's actually what happened. And so one of the other things I'll say, fellas, is part of what we're doing here at the Divorced Advocate and some of the men that have been involved now for years. We're really working hard in advocacy for fatherhood and fathers and for equal parenting time. It is something that has been slow to catch up in the family law system since forever, and so we've got a group of guys that are working together to do some of the advocacy.
Speaker 1:I will do things like I did this week, which is respond to this article, and I'll tell you what irritated me the most about this article is within the article, they talked about those who were worried quote unquote worried or were saying that this is actually going to be a problem because of the fact it's going to lead to more spousal or more abuse of women and, ultimately, more abuse of children, and that's really what they couched it as is. Well, this is going to create more abuse of children and this is complete bull crap. And so what I did is I wrote an article refuting what they said in this article, in the Wall Street Journal article. I did send it in comments over to the Wall Street Journal author and guess what? It got deleted. Of course, because it's a rational thought. It's supported by statistics.
Speaker 1:You can go and you can check it out. I've posted on all the social media across the board as well, as it's up at the Divorced Advocate. They're under the blog tab. So if you check out the blog tab, you can see this article, but I'm going to simply read it to you. Today's going to be this episode is going to be short and sweet.
Speaker 1:Gentlemen, I just want you to be armed with some information, because you're going to run across some of this. Potentially hopefully you're not, but you potentially are going to run across this, whether it is in the family law court with attorneys or opposing counsel, or even your soon-to-be ex or your ex, or just in general in society, and we need to be armed with the information. You need to be armed with the information so that you can mitigate this. So here goes. I'm just going to read this. I'm going to read it as I wrote it so that you can hear this. And again, if you want to follow this or you want a copy of this, go to thedivorcedadvocatecom and check out the blog site, and then the name of the blog article is the War on Fathers how Biased Courts Endanger Our Children. The War on Fathers how Biased Courts Endanger Our Children. The War on Fathers how Biased Courts Endanger Our Children. Okay, so here goes.
Speaker 1:For decades, a dangerous myth has poisoned our family courts and endangered our children the idea that a father is inherently more dangerous than a mother. This baseless assumption, repeated in articles like the Wall Street Journal's the Equal Custody Experiment, uses emotional antidotes to prop up a broken system that systematically sidelines loving fathers, with devastating consequences for kids. It's time to stop letting tragic but statistically rare stories dictate policy. The irrefutable data tells a completely different story, one where fathers are not the risk, but the essential protectors are. Children are being denied. The real danger to children isn't a loving father. It's a legal system that pushes them away.
Speaker 1:The real threat A revolving door of unrelated men. The single greatest threat to a child's safety is not their biological father. Single greatest threat to a child's safety is not their biological father. Overwhelmingly, the data shows, the most dangerous person you can bring into a child's life is a non-related male, such as a mother's new boyfriend or a stepfather this phenomenon known as the Cinderella effect. This phenomenon known as the Cinderella effect is not an opinion. It is a statistical certainty. When a court defaults to sole maternal custody, it doesn't by a succession of new partners, exposing children to a level of risk that should horrify every parent, every judge and every lawmaker.
Speaker 1:Fatal abuse a groundbreaking study in the journal Pediatrics found that preschool-aged children living with their mother and her unmarried partner were up to 100 times more likely to be killed than children living with their two biological parents. And I want to just let you guys know that the references are all on the website at thedivorcedadvocatecom, and they're listed in the blog post. Number two physical and sexual abuse. A child living with their single mother is 11 times 11 times more likely to be physically, emotionally or sexually abused by her boyfriend than a child living with their married biological father. Number three overwhelming caseloads. A comprehensive review of child abuse-related fatalities in Missouri found that 75% of the victims lived in households with an unrelated adult, most often you guessed it the mother's boyfriend. So let's be perfectly clear the court-sanctioned removal of a biological father, which is what directly enables this catastrophic risk. By treating fathers as optional, the system swings the door wide open for the real predators. Equal custody is not just a father's right. It is in a child's best protection. It is a child's best protection.
Speaker 1:Let's talk about the slander of the quote-unquote dangerous dad. The narrative that fathers are the primary abusers is a calculated lie. Let me read this again. The narrative that fathers are the primary abusers is a calculated lie, and the government's own data proves this. According to the US Department of Health and Human Services 2022 Child Maltreatment Report, women are responsible for more child abuse than men. Of the perpetrators whose gender was known, more were female than male, and I'll just add, if you check out the article, it's 51% to 49%. So this whole narrative is crap. Meanwhile, when it comes to intimate partner violence, the CDC reports that nearly one in seven men will be the victim of severe physical violence by a partner. Yet the system ignores male victims and treats every father as a potential perpetrator, while ignoring the proven danger of the home environment created by sole maternal custody.
Speaker 1:Lastly, the undeniable proof children desperately need their fathers. A father is not a luxury. Denying a child equal access to the father is a form of developmental sabotage. The data on the benefits of father involvement is a mountain of proof that our current system is actively harming children. Children with involved fathers are 80% less likely to spend time in jail, 75% less likely to experience a teen pregnancy, twice as likely to go to college and find stable employment. And those are just three. Three indicators and three statistics around the benefits of involved father and child's life. These aren't minor improvements. They are life altering outcomes.
Speaker 1:Fatherlessness is a public health crisis and our family courts are its primary engine. It's time to protect children, not biases. The stories of children harmed in the system are tragic, but the blame is being placed on the wrong policy. The danger isn't equal custody. The danger is a biased judge ignoring a domestic violence order. The danger is a system that treats fit, loving fathers as second-class parents and thereby exposes children to far greater, statistically proven risks. Any lawmaker who resists the change to a legal presumption of equal custody is complicit in the harm being done to children. The science is settled. The data is clear. It's time to dismantle the discriminatory court system that wages a war on fathers and start prioritizing what truly matters the safety and well-being of our children.
Speaker 1:Okay, that is it, fellas. There is so much in that and it's so important for you to know and understand especially if you're just starting out in this process what the system and how the system is structured and what the narratives are out there. That's simply what I want you to know from this brief episode today that there are narratives, even with all of the statistics and information that I just shared with you. I mean, how many times have you heard the dangerous dad BS? Well, the statistics show that actually more women abuse their children than men do. But have you ever heard that? Do you ever see that on billboards? No, you don't. So just know, just be aware of what that narrative is, so that you can get ahead of the game, so that you can prepare. That's part of what we do.
Speaker 1:We had a phenomenal, phenomenal group meeting on Saturday where we talked a lot about this stuff, talked about some of the tragedies that happened this week in in our country, but in the context of what we can do as fathers and how we can show up for our kids during this time, and so, again, I'll encourage you if you're not involved in the community somehow get involved in our Divorce Dads community. We have some of the free group meetings. We've got the group coaching coming up. We've got private coaching as well. So check out all that on the website. We've got our Signal channel. We've got a lot of that. So check out all that on the website. We've got our Signal channel. We've got a lot of that work that's happening in the different states with some of our Father's Rights advocates within the community is happening on that Signal channel. So if you want to get involved in that, check out the website. Join the membership. Look on the events page. The events page has everything on it that's going on this week.
Speaker 1:We've got a couple of great, great workshops going on. They're more of Q&As. We're doing a narcissistic abuse one on Tuesday night, the 16th and then on Thursday, the 18th we're going to have Ben Schooley again, the pro se coach, that's going to be talking to us about how you can go through this without hiring an attorney, but at the very least, even if you have attorney, talking with Ben and showing up to this workshop. This Q&A is critical so that you are armed with the information that you need to be able to communicate effectively with your attorney and talk to your attorney. So all of these are tremendous opportunities for you to get engaged. Find one of them around your busy schedule, get plugged in and get plugged into the community. Get the support that you deserve and need.
Speaker 1:All right, gentlemen, that was short and sweet. Thanks for listening. If you found some value in this, please share it far and wide. On social media, we are now on. The Divorced Advocate is now on almost every social media. It's more than I can even handle at this advanced age in my life, but we're on X now. We are on Instagram, facebook, linkedin, so connect with us there. We got lots of stuff that gets posted there and we just want more interaction. Please share this and all of our information on social media with anybody else. If you're listening on a podcast platform, give us a star rating. That helps immensely. Even better, just give us some comments that let you know what you thought and how you feel about the episode. That helps other dads to look at it and tune in as well. Thank you for listening. Have a terrific week and God bless.
